Desperation
by Entwinedlove
Summary: Complete. / Everyone reacts differently to desperation and the Blacks are no exception. They just don't do anything in degrees.
1. Breakup

This story was beta'ed by FFN user: WL. Erkling, though it has seen a few revisions since then. Any mistakes are all mine. Thank you WL. Erkling!

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Lily cracked her eyes open and groaned. She closed them and focused on the thump-thump of her head. While she waited, unsure whether she should open her eyes and deal with the headache that was throbbing behind them, she started to hear voices. Just the slightest whisper here or there, but definitely voices. Finally, unable to take not knowing who was talking or about what, she eased her eyelids open again.

She was staring up at the ceiling over her and James's bed. She tilted her head just enough to the left and saw that the door was ajar, letting in those hissed whispers. She groaned again. With any luck, Remus would hear her and come explain what she was doing in bed with a killer headache.

The door opened wider and James was the first to peek in at her. "You awake, Lily?"

She groaned in response, though this time she did have a grin on her face.

James stepped in and Remus followed. Remus came around and sat on the edge of the bed.

"What all do you remember?"

She looked at him in confusion as she thought about it. An Order meeting, dressing up and going to a concert, slipping out to tail a couple of wizards thought to be associated with Voldemort and his Death Eaters. After that, there was an annoying blank spot, with only flashes of light that she reckoned were memories of spellfire.

"I remember we were on a mission. I remember tailing... somebody, but nothing after that."

Remus nodded like that's what he expected. "We were tailing Abraxas Malfoy and Philip Parkinson and they didn't take well to being followed. When they caught on they led us on a wild goose chase. We split up. You managed to disarm Parkinson, but he tackled you, punched you a few times, and cast a Confundus Charm on you. When I found you wandering I gave the mission up for bust and brought you home. Interestingly enough, he didn't take your wand."

"Damn. Did you get anything definite?"

He shook his head.

"We'll just have to be stealthier next time," she said. She tried to sit up and Remus shook his head again.

"No, don't get up. Sirius is in the kitchen brewing up a potion for your headache."

"It won't hurt any worse if I'm sitting up in bed than if I'm laying."

James came closer and helped her sit up when she tried again. "Hey you," she muttered after breathing deeply. He smelled like broom polish and fabric softener.

"Lily," he said, sitting down next to her and holding her hand, "I don't know if I want you going out again. I don't like how easy it was for you to be separated and disarmed. Maybe you should just stay at Headquarters to patch us up when we come back in."

She shook her head slowly, cautious of the headache but still determined to disagree with him. "No, I want to be out there. It's my fight."

"I'd feel better if you were here at home, you know. Leave the fighting to the wizards."

"I wouldn't."

"Be reasonable, Lily."

"It's my fight," she argued.

Remus stood and Lily turned to look at him; he gave her a pitying smile before leaving the room.

"Why don't you think about it," James continued, "For my peace of mind. We'd all be happier if you stayed home."

"Except me!"

The door swung open but Sirius caught it before it slammed. "Someone call for headache-relief and a glass of water to wash it down?" He asked, grinning. Lily smiled back and reached out for it. He came close to the bed and offered her the potion first and then the water. She drank both and handed the glasses back to him. She closed her eyes and marvelled at how well potions worked compared to Muggle pain relief. She sighed and opened her eyes to look back at them.

"Thanks, Sirius."

"You're welcome," he said. "You ready to get back out there and kick some arse?"

"Sirius," James said, a warning tone to his voice.

"What?" he asked as he walked out of the room.

Lily climbed out of the bed on the side James wasn't sitting on and followed after Sirius.

"I really don't think you should be up walking around just yet," Remus said from the living room.

"Lily, you'll promise to not take any more Order missions, won't you? And stay home? For me?" James asked, following her out of the bedroom.

"No, James," she said again. "It's my fight. I'm not going to let one little incident stop me from doing my part."

"You're not being reasonable!" He shouted.

Both Remus and Lily winced; apparently, the headache wasn't completely gone.

She turned around and sat on the couch next to Peter; he'd been flipping through a magazine and looked up to see what the argument was about. "I am not going to sit on the sidelines, James, you're not listening to me," she argued. She didn't particularly want to yell, but he'd already raised his voice, which meant she was bound to soon.

"Why won't you see this from my side, Lily?" He asked again.

"Because you're not seeing it from mine!" She snapped. She winced at how yelling made her headache flare back up for a moment but didn't let it deter her from arguing. "Voldemort and his Death Eaters are out to eradicate Muggle-borns. If I'm not willing to fight for my right to exist, why should anyone else?"

"It wouldn't be particularly boring," Remus muttered, "I'm sure there are several witches that stay back just for healing others. I know Sirius's cousin Andromeda does it. She's got a five-year-old daughter."

"I'm not a mother!"

"Did you know that even Muggle women in the military don't go into combat?" Peter piped in, offering another consenting opinion.

"Where did you even learn that?" Sirius asked, leaning over the bar from the kitchen where he was cleaning up.

"Muggle Studies."

"I don't care. I'm going to be a part of this fight," she said.

"You can still be apart of everything. Just from home," James said.

"Mate, lay off," Sirius said, coming back into the room with a hand towel drying his hands. "She doesn't want to stay home. She's got one of the best reasons to be in the thick of things. Voldemort's out to kill her and others like her. Would you want to stay home if he was out to kill you?"

"They _are_ killing blood traitors," James said through grit teeth. "Stay out of it Sirius."

"Why? You didn't say a word when Remus and Pete spoke up because they agreed with you. I'm on Lily's side in this. This isn't the Muggle world where the military is about brute force. Women are just as capable with a wand as men are."

"She's supposed to stay home!" James yelled.

"Well, maybe I should find a new one of those!"

"What?" James voiced the question, but all four of the men looked at her like she'd spoken a different language.

"If you can't get this through your fat head, James, I'm going to find somewhere else to live. I'm part of the Order and I'm Muggle-born. I'm going to fight. If you can't deal with that, then maybe we ought to take a break."

"No... Lily!" He looked devastated.

She stood up and brushed past him to go to their bedroom. She was going to pack. What she wanted was to hex James Potter, but she knew that wouldn't help matters. She did slam the door behind her and locked it, hoping he'd get the message. She winced at the loud noise. She had thought about Apparating but wasn't sure where to go. Maybe she'd Floo to Headquarters and ask around for a place to stay for a week or two.


	2. Pickup

"I want to lick your cunt until you come on my tongue," a voice whispered into her ear.

"You what?" Lily said, spinning to see the foul-mouthed cretin who dared speak to her that way. "Sirius?"

"Oh, shit, Lily!" His eyes went so wide she saw the whites of them. "I would not have-ah, well, damn," he spluttered, obviously flustered in his embarrassment.

In the low light, Lily wasn't sure if she was seeing him blush or not. "Why would you say something like that to me?" she hissed-and then, thinking better of their location grabbed his hand and dragged him through the crowds of the club past the bartender and out the service entrance. She turned on him again, anger flashing in her eyes.

"Explain!"

Sirius looked around like he was searching for a way out of the situation but she shifted and his eyes snapped back to hers. He looked at the ground to avoid eye contact.

"Well? Why would you say that to me?"

"I didn't know it was you," he muttered.

"And that makes it okay to say something like that to a complete stranger?"

"It's a crude pickup line, all right? It didn't mean anything."

"Why did you pick me to say it to, then?"

"I saw a wicked-hot bird dancing by herself in a smoking little black dress. Legs for days and an arse that would make a grown man drool in public," he answered then shrugged. "Thought I'd try my hand at dirty talk."

Lily felt heat crawl up her chest to her face and was thankful he wasn't looking at her just then. "So you've never said that to anyone else?"

He looked up, half peeking out from under his wild hair, trying to determine the right answer. Lily wasn't sure there was a right answer. After a long look, he shook his head. "Well, no-I mean, maybe during the heat of the moment or something-but never straight like that. Don't know why I thought it would work..." he rambled. "Might've had a pint or two too many..."

"And you didn't realise it was me?"

He looked fully at her then. "No, I really didn't. I know you and James are... on a break, I guess? But I had no idea you'd be here or..."

Her eyes widened. "He's not here, is he?"

"Nah, he and Remus wanted to stay home and nurse their heartaches in peace."

"And you just wanted to get lucky?" He tilted his head and offered her a smirk and a wink.

Lily stared at him for a moment, her eyes taking in the details she'd never allowed herself to notice at school: glorious black mane, like she'd already been running her hands through it; piercing, silver-grey eyes that smouldered; wide mouth, plump lips, and straight white teeth; baby-smooth skin around a neatly trimmed goatee.

"No strings attached sort of thing?"

The smirk fell from his lips as he processed her question and he turned away, suddenly shy. He brought his hand up and cupped the back of his neck and looked up at her through his lashes. "I don't know, Lils, I mean-"

"No strings attached. Just a good time."

There was tension between them as she watched him pace and fidget and he watched her in return.

Finally coming to a decision, Lily heard him murmur, "Merlin, I'm going to go to hell for this," before he was on her, lips bruising hers as he pushed her against the brick wall of the nightclub. He cupped the back of her head so she didn't knock it against the wall even as he devoured her mouth.

His fingers trailed her jaw and his mouth soon followed even as he bent his knees and ground his cock against her.

"So that line about licking my cunt...?" she laid the question out, breathy from his fiery kisses and roaming hands.

"Gods yes," he whispered against her neck. She felt her pulse jump as he nibbled on her skin.

"Hotel okay? Got any money on you?" she asked, gripping his biceps as he pulled her closer to him.

"I've got one better," he muttered holding her tightly and Apparating.

Before they had even landed properly, Sirius grasped her around the waist and picked her up, carrying her to the wide bed in the room. He tossed her on it and she bounced, laughing.

"Where are we?" she asked leaning up on her elbows to look down her body at him.

"I inherited a set at the Albany from my Uncle Alphard," he said as he discarded his shoes.

"You bring all your one-night-stands here?" she asked, watching as their ardour slipped away like she'd doused it with cold water.

He swallowed. "No, Lily, I've never brought anyone here before. Even James doesn't know where I live-just that I inherited a flat in London from my uncle."

"Not that you inherited a flat that's probably worth a million quid, if not more?"

"I didn't feel the need to point out that even after being disowned, I've inherited a pretty sizeable Gringotts vault." He moved closer to her, to the bed. "Is that a problem?"

"Are you asking me, a girl from a factory town in the middle of nowhere, if you being rich is a problem?" she threw her head back and laughed again.

He smiled and climbed on the bed with her leaning down to kiss her again. After slow, steamy kisses and gentle petting Sirius said, "I have a confession to make, Lils."

"I don't care, Sirius," she muttered back, reaching to run her hands through his hair and pull him closer. "I don't care if there are strings attached. I wouldn't be here if you had been a stranger and said those things to me. Fuck me. Make love to me. I don't care. We'll deal with the consequences later."

"Fuck the consequences," he said as he finally pulled her dress from her body and got down to fulfilling the promise he'd given her earlier.


	3. Order

Sirius Apparated early to the September Order meeting. As usual, it was being held in a back room of the Hogshead. He headed straight for the bar to speak with Aberforth and get the first round of butterbeers for the group.

James and Lily came in about the same time. Lily smiled at Sirius as she walked by and Sirius let his eyes linger over her backside. James smacked at Sirius's arm as he passed. "Paws off, Sirius; we're only on a break."

Sirius raised his eyebrows before nodding, agreeing just to keep the peace. When he followed with the tray, he used his wand to send a bottle to everyone already at the table and then plopped down in the only empty seat between James and Peter and across from Lily. She met his eyes and looked away quickly.

Throughout the meeting, Sirius tried to not to watch her just as she tried not to watch him. When it came time to pairing up for a new assignment, he piped in before James. "I'll pair up with Lily."

James glared at him and paired up with Peter. Remus would sit this one out because it was supposed to take place the day after the full moon. Pairing up with Lily gave him the opportunity to slip next to her when the meeting was adjourned to speak about the upcoming mission.

"You didn't have to do that," she whispered.

"Do what?" he said back, giving her one of his usual smirks.

Instead of her normal quip or rolled eyes, she just maintained eye contact. The sexual tension between them intensified. As much as Sirius had missed James over the last few weeks, he already wanted to leave and take Lily back home. There was ambrosia between her thighs and he was desperate to taste it again.

"Where have you been, Sirius?"

"Hmm?" he turned to see James and Peter next to him, and he watched as they did a move he and James had done dozens of times before. Peter engaged him in conversation, leaving Lily open for James to chat up. Standard wingman sort of move. Sirius wondered if James had to explain how to do it to Peter. They used it to lift a girl from a prospective date and it worked especially well on insecure blokes who weren't as confident in themselves about their ability to pick up a bird. Sirius had confidence for days and let the move work, knowing that Lily would still be in his bed tonight.

"The last few weeks, while Jamie's being heartbroken and sleeping super late in the mornings, where have you been?"

"At my flat, sleeping late in the mornings. Being out of school with no formal job sort of lets one do that. How about you, Pete? You went home to Mum, right?"

"Yeah, she's not been feeling well la-"

"None of your business, James," Lily said, her voice raised enough to interrupt the conversations around her.

"I even used a pay phone and called your sister. I just want to know where you're staying. Did you get a hotel or something? That's expensive. I want you to come home," James said. His tone bordered on whinging and Sirius just knew Lily was going to go off on him; that tone drove her crazy.

"I can't believe you called my sister! I've been staying with a friend if you must know," she answered, her eyes flashing to Sirius for a quick second.

It wasn't quick enough. James's eyes widened and he looked at Sirius and then back at Lily. Before James could retort Sirius grabbed his arm. "Not here, mate," he spoke quietly, glancing around at the other Order members. "You want to have it out with us, you do it in private."

James gritted his teeth and then flexed his jaw. "Fine," he growled out, "My flat? Since I still don't know where yours is?"

Sirius nodded in agreement. The four of them apparated immediately, James taking Lily and Sirius taking Peter not a second later.

"Traitor!" James shouted as he swung and punched Sirius in the jaw.

Sirius stumbled back but came up swinging, catching James in the gut and knocking the wind out of him. He could vaguely hear Peter and Lily shouting over the pounding rush of blood in his ears. James recovered enough to charge Sirius and Sirius let him come, taking the shoulder into the diaphragm and crashing into the dining table behind them. As they tumbled, Sirius managed to get on top and grabbed James by the collar, bringing the other fist down into his friend's jaw. He pulled back to do it again when he felt himself be picked up and pulled away.

Above the roar in his ears, growling drowned out everything else. Sirius dragged in three deep breaths before the sounds of the scene came rushing back to him. Peter was holding onto James's shirt sleeve and muttering to him. Remus was behind him and Lily was shouting over all of it.

"Remus, let me up man, I'm good," Sirius said, trying to loosen the superhuman clamp that Remus had made around his middle. The growling stopped and the grip eased but Remus didn't let go.

"What the hell's going on?" he asked the group.

Lily, still half shouting, answered, "Crazy hormonal Neanderthals are fighting over me like some fucking prize!"

Sirius turned enough to catch the look on Remus's face as he backed up from Sirius completely. This close to the full moon, Remus's blood was pumping with testosterone to drown an ox and she was complaining about him and James?

"I wasn't fighting over you, Lils," Sirius answered, rubbing his jaw where James had first struck him, "But no one, not even my best mate, is going to get away with punching me in the face."

James's jaw was clenched so tight a vein was pulsing in his throat. If glares could kill, Sirius would be an Inferius. "I can't believe you," he said, his tone quiet. "She's my girl! I've been in love with her since fifth-year and you just think you can-"

"James _fucking_ Potter, don't you even start this shite!" Lily shouted. Sirius was already starting to cool off and wanted to quip that fucking was a much better middle name than Fleamont, but decided it probably wasn't the best time. "I am not yours. I am not a piece of property that can be won or claimed or owned. Do you even hear the shite you're spewing? I wanted a break between us because you were acting like you had some sort of say in how much danger I put my life in and now you act like this? I can fuck the entire Slytherin Quidditch team and you can't say a damn thing because this is my life and you have absolutely no say in it!"

James dropped his head, rocking on his feet before he stopped and looked up at Sirius. "How could you, mate?"

"Hmph, typical," Lily scoffed before Sirius could formulate a response, "Can't deal with me, can't talk with me, so you just ignore me. I am so tired of this shite." She turned her head and looked at Sirius but didn't say anything, she looked at Remus and half smiled at him. "Sorry Rem, didn't mean to bring this shite home to you." Then she turned on the spot and Disapparated. Sirius sighed and looked down, hoping that she went to his flat and not somewhere else.

"I trusted you. I loved you like a brother and you do this to me?" James said into the silence.

Sirius felt like his chest cracked open with those words. He looked back at James and shrugged, thinking that maybe if he explained himself things between them would be okay. "I never looked at her, never even thought about it, when she was with you. We hooked up a few weeks ago. I came up behind a hot bird dancing by herself and fed her a pickup line. She raged at me and... I don't know, we just..." Sirius ran his hand through his hair. "It was going to be no strings attached, one night of fun, but... she just stayed and I... I didn't mean for this to happen. After I realised it was her, I backed off. Wasn't going to pursue her."

"But you did. You fucked my girlfriend. You're the reason she doesn't want to come back home and work this out."

Sirius's eyebrows scrunched, "Did you not hear what she said, James? I'm not stopping her from doing what she wants. If she wants to come talk to you, then she will, but... mate, you've got to listen to her when she says something, and I mean really listen."

"Like you know anything about listening to birds, Sirius," James spat at him. "Get out of my flat. You might be welcome back if you stop fucking my girlfriend but I wouldn't count on it."

Sirius nodded and clenched his fist, damned if he was going to cry over this shit. Get so pissed that he'd want to step in front of the Knight bus maybe, but not cry. He let his gaze slide to Peter, who was staring back with wide eyes, gaping at them like he couldn't believe what was happening. A slight turn of the head showed him Remus, who had collapsed back onto the sofa and let his eyes, full of sorrow and pity, slip back and forth between Sirius and James.

Sirius nodded once more, muttered, "Fine," and Disapparated.


	4. Whisky

The first place Sirius went after he Apparated into his flat was to his drinks cupboard. He wasn't looking for a smooth firewhisky but rather one of those cheap Muggle brands that were only good for getting really pissed really fast. He grabbed the bottle and two crystal tumblers because even if they were going to drink Muggle rubbish they might as well do it with style, and followed the sound of breaking glass toward his bathroom.

When he reached the bedroom he heard a feminine yell, something else shatter, and then a yelp of pain. He dropped the whisky and glasses on the bed and went to investigate. His bathroom looked like a windstorm had blown through.

Lily had leant against the wall and slid down to sit cross-legged on the floor, cradling her bloody hand. The mirror was shattered and blood dripped down one of the cracks into the basin below. The air in the room was thick with the overpowering smell of cologne and soap. Every single glass item he'd had on the marble next to the washbasin was missing. A quick glance around the room showed him exactly where they'd gone. The tile wall behind the bath was cracked in two places and everything; the liquid soap container, the jar of cotton buds, even the glass cup where they kept their toothbrushes littered the bottom of the bath. He watched as the bristles of his toothbrush sunk into a mix of soap, broken glass, and cologne; he wrinkled his nose.

He vanished the mess and flicked his wand at the window, opening it to air out the room. Then he pulled some bandages and the dittany from the cupboard behind the broken mirror, ignoring a single piece of glass that fell into the basin when he shut it. He could have tried conjuring some, but that was just one of those spells that he hadn't quite mastered. The bandages always came out a bit spongy.

Sirius crouched next to Lily and brandished his wand at her. He held out his hand for hers. She finally looked up at him and offered her bloody knuckles.

"Is punching a person more satisfying than punching glass?" She asked.

He non-verbally cast the spell to pull the glass from her wound and then cast the syphoning spell to clean the blood from her skin. "Yes," he finally answered, "but only if you do it properly." He tapped a finger gently on her thumb. "You tucked your thumb under and broke it. _Episkey_."

The bone snapped back into place and Lily groaned at the pain.

"Next time," he said, catching her eyes and offering her a grin, "thumb goes here and when you throw the punch you squeeze the moment of impact. Turn your wrist and arm so your palm is level with the ground," he said as he showed her. "Rest the muscles after making contact."

She squeezed her hands into fists and practised the movement slowly. She dropped her arms and looked up at him. "What happened after I left?"

Sirius stood and helped her up. "I tried to explain. He blamed me for you not wanting to come back, I told him you do what you want..." He trailed off, not wanting to say the most painful thing that had happened. Not even wanting to think about it.

Lily looked at him with sadness in her eyes before looking around the room. "Oh, Sirius, I'm so sorry! I destroyed all of your stuff!"

He chuckled despite everything. "It's just stuff, Lils, I can buy more. Who knows how long I've gone without changing my toothbrush. Probably needed to throw it out anyway." He hooked his elbow under her arm and escorted her out of the bathroom. "I've decided I'd like to get drunk," he told her, picking up the tumblers and setting them on the dressing table tucked into the corner of the room. He then picked up the bottle and showed it to her.

"Bell's? Yes, please," she half-laughed.

It was a short while later and they were relaxing on the rucked sheets of the bed, half the bottle gone between them and half their clothes tossed around the room. He was missing his shirt and socks, his trousers unfastened. She had lost her bra, skirt, and socks.

Sirius was propped on a pile of pillows with his head tossed back, enjoying Lily's touch. She danced her fingers across his abs and chest, circling one of his nipples. She tugged on the little hairs there before leaning into him and licking, then sucking on his nipple. She had just scraped it lightly with her teeth when there was a loud CRACK in the room which startled her and made her accidentally bite. He hissed in pain as she pulled back from him.

"Sorry, sorry! What was that?"

A voice from beyond the bed where neither she nor Sirius could see croaked, "Kreacher is here to announce Master Orion's presence. Master Orion is here to see the blood traitor Master Sirius."

"Kreacher!" Sirius shouted, jumping off the bed and grabbing hold of his trousers to stop them from slipping further down his hips. "Get out of my house you filthy elf!" The elf CRACKED away and Sirius shook his head to try and straighten his thoughts. "Shirt," he murmured, "Need a shirt." He looked around the floor for the one he had been wearing and when he didn't find it right away he opened the wardrobe and grabbed another. He pulled it on and turned to Lily. "Stay here for a bit? Got to see what my father wants."

Sirius walked into the kitchen as he was flipping his hair out from under the collar of the shirt. He winced as the fabric rasped against his now oversensitive nipple. He stopped just inside the room, where he could see his father sitting at the tiny, round table. Orion looked decades older than his age. Sirius felt uncomfortable and looked around the room for something to do during whatever conversation they were about to have.

"Sit down, Sirius," Orion said.

Instead of sitting, Sirius went to the cupboard to get the things down for tea out of spite. "Didn't know you knew where I lived," he muttered.

"I helped Alphard write up the contract for purchase."

"Oh," Sirius said, feeling lost already.

"Sirius, please sit down. We've much to discuss."

Sirius turned and looked at him, lowering his hand to his side with an empty teacup. "Like what? It's been two years, what could possibly be so important that you'd deign to seek me out now?"

"Just sit down for Salazar's sake!" Orion spat, rising from his chair in irritation.

Sirius recognised the curled lip and the intimidating stance not just from his past but from the mirror. He knew in his head that he looked like his father but he'd never seen it so clearly. Sirius set the teacup down onto the worktop behind him hard-a bit too hard, but it didn't break. He jerked the chair opposite his father and flopped gracelessly onto it.

Sirius spotted red hair in the doorway and gestured towards it. "Lily?"

She made a noise of surprise but stepped out so they could see her. "Sorry, I heard yelling."

Orion stood and glanced at Sirius.

Sirius knew he was supposed to stand when she entered the room but he hadn't realised how drunk he was until he'd spun around and dropped into the chair. Orion would just have to deal with his faux pas. "Lily, this is Orion Black. Father, this is Lily Evans."

She smiled shyly at Orion. "Should I leave?" she asked.

Sirius shook his head. Whatever his father had to say he would most likely tell her, especially as he didn't think James would want to hear about his problems anytime soon.

She slipped into the room. "We missed lunch." She turned to his father and asked, "Would you care for anything Mr Black?"

"No, thank you."

They stood there, awkward for a moment before Lily realised the problem. "Please, don't stand on my account. Sit, I'm just going to toss something together." She turned to the counter and pulled out the cutting board and opened the fridge to pull out some vegetables to slice for a salad.

Orion returned to his seat and stared down at the tabletop between them. "Sirius, your mother and brother are dead." He took a deep breath and started to explain without waiting for a reaction from Sirius. "Regulus went missing about eight weeks ago. After three days of not answering his summons, the Dark Lord declared him a deserter and called for your mother. She was the one who asked for Regulus to be given the Dark Mark; his sponsor since she urged him to take the Mark before he came of age." He swallowed before continuing, "He punished Walburga by," he let his eyes slide to Lily but then looked back at the table, "allowing some of his oldest followers to..." he trailed off, closing his eyes. "Six of them. Lestrange, Rosier, Mulciber, Nott, Dolohov, and Avery."

Lily gasped when she realised what had happened but didn't turn around to interrupt their privacy. Sirius didn't say anything as he watched his father; noticing the lines around his eyes and the way he clenched his jaw, then relaxed it.

"I had not known, but your mother was still in her fertility. When she learned she was with child she hanged herself in our bedroom. I found her there a week ago along with a note explaining how she wouldn't suffer the shame of not knowing the father of her child, nor would she dignify any such offspring with the name of Black."

Sirius wondered why his father had waited a week before telling him but was glad that he probably missed any funeral there might have been.

"After your brother went missing, I grew desperate, Sirius. Six centuries of Blacks and I was the one to run the family into the ground. With Regulus and you-," he paused and finally looked up to meet eyes with Sirius, "-gone, there was no one to carry on the family name. I have no delusions about me finding another wife. I've reinstated you. And I invoked Lineage."

Whatever pity Sirius felt for his father evaporated when he heard those words. "You bastard!" he spat, standing. "Are you happy that you've just ruined our lives? Lily, put the food away. We need to take you to St. Mungo's."

She turned around and looked at them, confusion on her face. "Why do we need to go to-"

" _Vitalius_ ," Orion said. When Sirius looked back at him, he was just slipping his wand back up his sleeve. Sirius had always been envious of how fast his father could draw his wand.

"What did you just cast on me?" Lily asked, staring wide-eyed at her abdomen where a pale blue light had begun to pulse.

"A conception detection spell. Didn't your mother-" he stopped and corrected himself, "Didn't the healer at Hogwarts teach this sort of thing?"

She shook her head, eyes wide. The pale light faded as the spell energy discharged.

"You're pregnant."

Sirius heard the air whoosh from her lungs.

"What?" she whispered, shocked. "No, no, no, no, no, no," she muttered, first in absolute disbelief then slipping into hysterical defiance. Without any warning she rushed at his father, fists clenched like she was going to pound the backs of them on his chest.

The sharp flash of silver from the knife she was still clutching caused Sirius to leap from his chair and collide with her, grabbing her wrists. If he had been soberer he probably would have been more gentle about it. The knife clattered to the tile floor and away from them. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked, stepping back from her to better see her face. "Are you trying to orphan me?"

"But you hate your parents..." she muttered, sounding confused.

"I hated my mum! He's the only family I've got left! Are you trying to take everything from me?" The emotional pain from everything that had happened with James washed over him and in his inebriated state, he said something he shouldn't have, "You've already cost me my best friend!"

Lily gasped and her face crumbled like she was going to cry. Before Sirius could say anything or take it back, she spun on her toes and Disapparated, leaving several inches of dark red hair to land on the floor in her wake.

Sirius stared at the red tresses like they had all the answers. What had he just done? He didn't look up until Father put his hand on his shoulder.

"Do your duty, Sirius," he said quietly.

Sirius forced out a sarcastic laugh, "And if she says no? If she... she's not even my girlfriend; she's James's girl!"

Father raised an eyebrow. "Have I been out of Hogwarts that long? Do girls often sleep with their boyfriends' best friends?" He smirked but it didn't reach his eyes. "I invoked Lineage without truly thinking things through. I had hoped that if Regulus had been with a girl before he disappeared, she would have come looking for him when she learned she was pregnant." He huffed a breath, a self-deprecating little laugh, "I don't know what I would have done with a girl, pregnant with my grandchild and alone."

Sirius shook his head and stepped away from his father. "You would have done what any good Slytherin would have done. Convinced her that stepping in as the new Mrs Orion Black would be the best solution all around. New wife and child for you, elevated social standing, financial security, and no stigma for her."

"Sometimes I think you would have done us proud in Slytherin, Sirius."

"No, I'm too reckless for Slytherin."

"I'm still proud of you."

Sirius felt his eyes prickle and his throat tighten. He nodded and looked away, unable to respond. He felt the breeze of his father's Disapparation rather than heard it.


	5. Drunk

Being left alone with too much emotional pain and half a bottle of cheap whisky was not a good thing for Sirius. He took the bottle, foregoing the tumbler, and sprawled over his couch to think and drink. Tonight was the full moon and he'd need to be awake enough to Apparate to Moony's cottage but he didn't have to be sober.

Sirius stared blankly at nothing and thought about his family. He'd always just told everyone that he hated all of them, but that wasn't strictly true. He'd truly hated his mother. There was no ache in his chest when he thought about what had happened to her. He couldn't even muster up pity for the vile woman.

But he had loved his brother and his father. He remembered being a small child, maybe five or six, playing in the nursery with Regulus.

 _Their cousin Andromeda, barely thirteen, had been watching them for the afternoon. It was getting close to dinner and Regulus was being a twit and tugging on Sirius's hair. Sirius yelled but wasn't too angry with him, he knew that was just something Reggie did when he was anxious. Dinner time always meant stiff formal robes, combed hair, and silence. And boiled green vegetables. Their mum said it was better for their digestion to have them boiled. Sirius thought it just made them taste worse._

 _The door to the nursery opened and like good, proper, pureblooded little boys both he and Regulus stopped to see if it was a woman. They were supposed to stand if it was. Instead, it was Father._

 _Andromeda set down the magazine she'd been reading and stood as well. "Well come on boys, greet your father."_

 _Orion smiled and patted her on the shoulder. "Thanks for watching them. You're welcome to stay for dinner, you know."_

 _"Thanks, but Mother's probably 'round the bend by now; Cissy got her Hogwarts letter yesterday and hasn't shut up about it yet. I think one of the house-elves spiked her pumpkin juice last night with a sleeping draught to get her to go to bed."_

 _Orion chuckled, "She's just excited. I know Sirius is excited and he's still got a few years."_

 _"That's right, you said he had some accidental magic last month, didn't you?"_

 _Sirius felt like that was his cue and came running over to them, Regulus hot on his heels. "I turned my mum's hair yellow."_

 _"It was an ugly yellow, too," Regulus added, giggling._

 _Andromeda bent down and kissed them both on the top of the head to stifle her giggles. "You two be good now."_

 _"I'm always good," Sirius boasted. Regulus giggled again._

 _After Andromeda left, Orion sat down on the floor with them and Regulus and Sirius crawled into his lap. "So," he said, tucking his arms around both of them. "What did you two do today?"_

 _"We played dragons!" Regulus shouted._

 _"And we were good and Andy let us play on our brooms in the yard."_

 _"Did you go fast?"_

 _"Way fast," Sirius said, nodding._

 _"Did you leave your brother behind?"_

 _"Nope," Regulus argued. "I went faster. Andy even tossed a ball like a Snitch and I caught it more than Siri."_

 _Orion narrowed his eyes and looked back to his oldest. "Did you let him win?"_

 _Sirius shook his head wildly. "Let him win? No way!"_

 _They all laughed together for a few moments but then Regulus reached up to tug on Orion's hair. "Daddy, are we going to dinner soon?"_

 _"I have a surprise for you," Orion whispered to his sons. They hunched their shoulders and leaned in, hoping to be let in on the secret. "Your mother's off visiting her aunt in France."_

 _Sirius leaned back and looked up at his father with wide eyes. "Does that mean what I think it means?"_

 _Orion's lips twitched with a smile. "What do you think it means?"_

 _"No formal robes and no boiled greens?"_

 _Orion laughed heartily again, tipping his head back. He hugged both boys tighter. "That's exactly what it means, my sons. No formal robes and no boiled greens. What do you want for dinner?"_

Sirius smiled and looked back down at the whisky bottle. A few more swigs and it would be empty. He should probably stop, but what good would it do to put an almost empty bottle back in the cupboard? Besides, he had another hour or two before he had to be at Moony's.

 _Sirius must have been twelve when his father first showed them the family grimoire. It was a thick black book with a smooth cover with ancient runes written on the binding._

 _"Is this the original Black Grimoire, Father?" Regulus asked._

 _"No," Orion said, "the original is in a vault in Gringotts. Your Uncle Cygnus has the rights to it."_

 _"Because his father is Paterfamilias?"_

 _"Isn't Grandfather Arcturus the older one, though? Shouldn't he be Paterfamilias?"_

 _"It's not always age that designates the main branch of the family, Sirius. Arcturus II was the last living of his generation and he designated Pollux as his successor since he had no sons. Pollux plays favourites, so Cygnus gets the mantle of the next in line, despite being the youngest of our generation and only having daughters."_

 _"But unless Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella have a son, I'm next in line for it, right?" Sirius asked, unsure about his place in the family since he'd been sorted into Gryffindor last year._

 _"If I have anything to say about it, yes. Now, on a similar note, I wanted to tell you about one of the legacy spells in here," Orion said, gesturing to the Grimoire. Both boys looked curious as they stood on either side of him. He opened the ancient tome and flipped to a page half way through. "This spell is used as a last resort. It's meant to be used if a family is having trouble having children or if the last remaining wizard of the family goes off to war and is killed. If the patriarch of a family casts the Lineage ritual, the last woman that any of the men in the family had a sexual encounter with will get pregnant."_

 _"Even if the men have died?"_

 _"Within a year of their death. It's a very powerful ritual, not something to be taken lightly. I hope to never have to use it-"_

 _"Why would you need to?"_

 _"You are the last two remaining Black heirs, Sirius. If something were to happen to you two-"_

 _"Well, it won't work if I don't have sex, right?"_

 _Orion smiled at Regulus. "I'm sure by seventh-year you'll have changed your mind."_

 _Sirius rolled his eyes. "What about if the bird's taking Contraceptive Potion?"_

 _Orion raised an eyebrow at Sirius's language. "The Lineage Ritual negates any form of birth control. The last sexual encounter before the ritual is cast or the next encounter for living sons."_

 _"What about if she's already moved on?"_

 _"Then it won't work." Orion was quiet as he looked at his sons. "I don't want to ever have to use this. I want you to be free of the political machinations of others and I want you to be safe."_

 _"Is this spell dark, Father?" Sirius asked after a few moments of contemplation._

 _"It doesn't have to be. Like I said before if later on you and your wife had trouble conceiving any Black patriarch can cast it. It would affect every son of that patriarch. It's an important spell because it ensures the Black line continues. We have such an illustrious history and such power in our veins-it would be a great loss to the world to lose those such as us."_

 _Orion went on to talk more about the ritual but Sirius had lost interest. Instead, he watched his little brother._

 _He was standing so very still and stiff. Since Sirius had been at school Regulus had spent more time with Mother and now her influence was starting to show. He no longer wanted to roughhouse or play and he'd lost the mischievous smirk that he and Sirius used to share. He never seemed to relax anymore and Sirius wondered what Mother had done to make him like that. She'd tainted his little brother in the single year he'd been away at Hogwarts and Sirius didn't know how to get him back. They'd grown apart and he didn't know how to bridge the gap between them._

That had been one of the last times his father had actually talked with them.

 _Mother had always yelled. At first, it had been about the horrid Muggle neighbour children and how loud they were, or the blood traitors marrying filth, or the Mudbloods trying to come into the pure, perfect government and changing things that had just always been. As Sirius had aged, he'd also become louder and disagreed with his mother's ideas. By his second year at Hogwarts, the yelling matches between them were testing the limits of his father's protective enchantments on the house. The louder they became the more Father distanced himself. He hated the yelling. Regulus had hated it too. They would both hide from it. Father would escape to his study with a bottle of Ogden's and Reggie would slip into the garden or his room to cry._

 _Sirius had had to get out of that stifling, dark house before he'd gone mad. Between the silence from his father and his brother and the screaming from his mother, Sirius had felt so alone. The breaking point had been when Mother had cast the Cruciatus Curse on him in a fit of anger. It had only lasted a few seconds but it had dropped sixteen-year-old Sirius to his knees. Father had stepped in then and called her out on it. Sirius had packed a bag and been out of the house within the hour and never looked back. That was the last time he'd seen his mother except maybe once at King's Cross when she'd brought Regulus for their next year of school._

Sirius sniffed and tipped the bottle back for another swallow. It was empty and no more libations poured from its mouth. He sneered at it and threw it across the room where it shattered against the wall. He'd clean it up later. He squeezed his eyes shut and sighed. He'd have to deal with the fallout of his father's desperation later. Now, he needed to piss and Apparate to Moony's cottage.


	6. Rut

It was dusk when Sirius finally dragged himself out of his whisky bottle stupor. Dusk on a full moon night. He tucked his wand up his sleeve and Apparated to the clearing behind Remus's shack. It wasn't much, something his parents had purchased and gifted him upon finishing Hogwarts. It was a small one bedroom cottage, no more than four rooms really, located in the middle of a clearing backed on three sides by thick forest. The drive to the place was overgrown, but with some work, it could be accessed by motor car.

The Lupins had intended for him to use the underground cellar as his cage during full moons and live in it otherwise. Sometimes he did spend the day after the full moons there, recovering, but he truly lived at James's flat.

Sirius's apparition was louder than he intended, though he didn't feel drunk-just tipsy. It alerted his friends to his presence, though.

"What do you think you're doing here?" James shouted across the clearing.

"Supporting Moony."

"He doesn't want you here any more than I do!"

"He can decide and tell me that himself, you know. You don't have to speak for him." Sirius strolled towards them, still feeling calm and relaxed because of the liquor in his system.

Apparently James, on the other hand, hadn't calmed down in the hours since he'd last seen Sirius. He rushed forward, but this time he didn't have the element of surprise, so when he swung fast at Sirius's face, Sirius leaned back out of reach.

"Can we not-"

Sirius didn't see the second punch. Technically he didn't see after it either, because instead of hitting jaw like before, James hit cheekbone. White light and pain shot through Sirius, blinding him for a few seconds. When he stood back up he grabbed hold of James's sleeve, trying to slow the next blow. The alcohol might have relaxed him but it had also stolen his reflexes and he really didn't want to be hit again.

"Get away from me," James growled as he shoved at Sirius, who stumbled back but didn't lose his balance. "Take my witch and think it's okay to be in my presence, I can't believe your audacity, you son of a bitch!" Sirius had turned his head away, hoping to protect his eyes and nose but the blow came into his diaphragm, winding him. He bent and backed away again.

"James, please," Sirius said. He hated that he was reduced to this, to begging, but his emotions had taken a beating all day and he just wanted to transform into a dog and have a good time running through the fields with Moony.

"Umm, guys?" Peter said quickly, half squeaking as he transformed into Wormtail.

Even if Peter's warning hadn't caught their attention, Remus's loud scream as he transformed into Moony would have done it.

Sirius shook his head to try and regain his equilibrium and he concentrated on becoming Padfoot. He looked up from Moony to James.

James hadn't transformed. The expression on his face was a mix between fear and anger as his eyes watched Moony take over.

Sirius waited for a heartbeat. Then a second. James still hadn't transformed yet. Sirius shifted back. "James, transform, you dolt!"

"I can't, I'm trying! I'm too fucking angry!"

"Then Apparate!"

"If I can't transform because I'm so angry how the hell am I suppose to Apparate without Splinching?"

As he was staring at James and panic was starting to creep up his spine the sound of Remus's screaming stopped. There was one long howl and then silence. Sirius's body tensed and the skin on his shoulders prickled. His back was to Moony and James was staring over his shoulder, ghostly white, at the hulking grey-brown wolf.

Sirius turned slowly, facing Moony. The werewolf watched intently, head tilted as he listened to their heartbeats and their breath. His snout twitched, sniffing, scenting the air and the smell of human that normally drove him crazy.

Sirius stood at James's side, about eight feet in front of Moony. As slow as he could, he moved between them. He straightened his back as much as he could despite the fear of the inevitable clenching in his stomach. The next few things he tried to do deliberately, knowing that even at over six feet tall, he was face-to-snout with Moony. Sirius puffed his chest out and leaned forward, hitching his shoulders up to his ears to try to look bulkier. He pulled his lips back, exposing his teeth. Anything to look more intimidating than James. Anything to look more like a threat.

Moony would take out the threat before attacking the smaller of the two. At least that's what Sirius hoped. He hoped it didn't get to that. Through his bared teeth and with minimum use of his lips, Sirius hissed at James.

"James, I know you're angry. I know you probably hate me but know that I love you, okay? I never meant to hurt you. Tell Lily I care for her and I'm sorry. And tell Remus I know it's not his fault."

James's voice was higher pitched than normal, "Sirius? What are you doing? Please mate, don't do anything stupid."

Moony crept a step closer, snuffling and finally starting to growl at the two humans in his territory.

"I'm going to give Moony something to chase," he dragged his finger up and to the right, pointing and hoping Moony didn't try to bite it. "I'm going that way to get him away from you. Please, try to transform, or Apparate, or climb a fucking tree, all right?"

"Sirius!"

Sirius made a mad dash, pushing his legs to extend as far as they would go. He got about eighteen feet away from James; he had planned to transform and double back to attack Moony as Padfoot but before he finished the shift he felt something tear into his left calf. He dropped flat onto the compacted dirt, the sharp pain of a broken nose a minor irritation compared to the mind-blowing, excruciating pain in his leg. He was absolutely convinced that he'd trapped himself somewhere between half wizard and half dog, was about to be eaten, or both.

He didn't want to die looking like a monstrosity and bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood as he transformed through the pain. It took several beats of his furiously thumping heart before he opened his eyes. He rejoiced that he couldn't see straight ahead and that the colours he could see were on a yellow-blue spectrum. The pain in his leg was still enough to make him whine and whimper unconsciously but he pushed through it to stand and turn around.

James.

James's safety was the only thought in his head as he forced his body to move though doing so made the pain radiate from the torn muscle and flesh in his leg. He didn't know if it was a bite or just a horribly deep scratch but from the panicked squeaking coming from Wormtail and the wild, whites of Prongs's eyes, he had a feeling it was the former.

The pain wasn't isolated to just his leg any longer but had started to spread up his knee and down to his ankle. He collapsed onto his haunches and then fell sideways to try and get a look at his wound. He turned and that's when he caught sight of Moony, mouth bloody, tongue licking over his teeth, sniffing the grass where Sirius had fallen.

Prongs nudged Wormtail off of his shoulder and hesitantly approached Padfoot. The stag used his snout to push against Padfoot to try and get him to move.

Padfoot just wanted to lay there and die. The pain was spreading; he couldn't feel his foot and his hip was on fire. He let his head loll to the side and panted through the pain. Prongs nudged him again. He whimpered. Prongs knelt next to him and half rolled his huge body against him. Wormtail squeaked in his ear and tugged on his fur.

It finally registered that they wanted him to move, to get on top of Prongs. He pushed with his front paws, scraping his dewclaws on Prongs's back and through his coarse, short fur. With the combination of nudging from Prongs, tugging from little Wormtail, and determination, Padfoot shifted enough that Prongs could stand up with him on his back.

Prongs took a step and faltered, unsure of the extra weight even as the skin on his shoulders slid one way and then the other. Wormtail tried to climb up Prongs's leg but he bleated at the rat and gestured with a twitch of his head to Moony who was watching them intently with his head cocked sideways.

Padfoot tried to focus on his surroundings as Prongs walked them away from the others. The pain was messing with his head and making it feel like time was starting and stopping repeatedly. The last thing he heard was a mournful howl.


	7. Dawn

When the screaming stopped, Remus just laid on the ground letting the bits and pieces of memories from the night before bleed into his consciousness. He sprawled naked on the dew-wet ground as he remembered the taste of his best mate's blood and the feel of flesh tearing under his teeth. If he didn't feel so absolutely wrecked, he would cry. He was going to die. Even if Sirius didn't say anything, someone was bound to find out that he'd bitten someone and then he was going to be executed like the animal he was. He wanted to yell at the sky, demand that life wasn't fair, but he knew better. Life was never fair, especially for a beast like him, and he had already lived seven years on borrowed time. Seven years with the greatest friends anyone could ask for and seven years getting an education. It was about time for life to come back around and bite him again, just as he'd been bitten years ago.

"Rem, you awake, mate?" Peter asked in a whisper.

Remus had been staring at the lightening sky. The sun hadn't risen yet but it wasn't far off and the velvety black was giving way to heavy blues and greys. It would rain today. He could smell it in the air. He finally looked to Peter; only moving his eyes. He blinked once and Peter jerked like he'd been startled.

"What do you need? You didn't scratch yourself, I don't think. Let me go get you a pain potion."

"Where'd they go, Pete?"

"Let me just-"

Remus didn't remember standing, much less grabbing hold of Pete's shirt, but he sure felt the pain of his muscles catching up with the fast movement. The testosterone hadn't passed through him yet. "Where are they, Peter?"

Just then a luminous shape appeared, cantering through the trees. A magnificent stag. James always complained that his Animagus's antlers never looked as good as the ones on his Patronus.

"Good morning chaps!" the iridescent stag spoke with James's voice, irrationally cheery. "No need to panic. Sirius and I are at St Mungo's and the nurse says he'll wake up from the potion she drugged him with in about half an hour. It'd be great if Peter were here, to back up my story, which is thus: my girlfriend broke up with me; Sirius, Pete, and I decided to go wandering through the woods last night to find a good place to camp and get drunk. With the amount of liquor Sirius consumed yesterday and then vomited on me after I Apparated, we both smell like a still, so that's as good an explanation as any. There is no mention of Animagus transformations and we don't know the werewolf that bit him. End of story. Got that? If anyone asks, Rem was at his cottage in Wales and we were in Epping Forest, four hours away." The stag turned its head to look at Remus who stood with stooped shoulders and without caring he wasn't wearing clothes. "Remus, go to Mum and Dad's house to recuperate, please? As soon as Sirius is awake, that's where I'm taking him. Mischief managed." The Patronus faded.

Remus dropped his head. "How can that prat be so fucking cheerful? I..." he sighed, knowing not to whinge in front of Peter. He'd try to be helpful and Remus didn't want help right now. He just wanted to crawl in a bed somewhere and die for what he'd done, but then he'd remember that he'd probably be executed as soon as they found out and his heart gave a strange thump because he didn't really want to die.

Remus looked around to orientate himself and saw that Moony had followed Wormtail back to the clearing in front of the shack. "I'm just going to crash here, Pete," He finally muttered. He turned and walked towards the low roofed building. Cottage, James had called it. What a joke. Four rooms and a concrete cellar with chains on the bars as reinforcement. He loved his parents and he knew they loved him in their way, but he hated this place.

"Remus," Peter said, following behind his larger strides. "Just get dressed, I'll Side-Along you to the Potters, all right? I'm not leaving you here to mope."

Remus stopped and turned to look at him. "You think I'm moping?"

Peter tilted his head and pursed his lips, a look he might have picked up from McGonagall. It looked ridiculous on him. "Yes, I think you're moping. I think you're upset and I'm not leaving you alone. We're going to the Potters as soon as you're dressed."

That was the thing about Pete. Innocent, submissive little Petey turned downright bossy after the full moon. It wasn't usually a bad thing but he could be a right pain in the arse when he got his mind stuck on something. Taking care of Remus was usually that something. Remus just opened the shack door and grabbed his pyjamas off the table where he'd left them folded. He dressed where he stood and then turned to Peter. There wasn't much point arguing.

"To the Potters, then," he half-grunted and held out his arm.

Peter grabbed him tightly, the pain from his grip fleeting because the squeeze from Apparition was worse.

Euphemia Potter was standing at the front door waiting when the world stopped spinning. She gestured for them to enter. Remus assumed James hadn't told her what happened. Sirius was like a son to her and for her to welcome him into her home after what he'd done... No, she must not know.

"Come on in, child, I've heard it's been quite the night," she said softly. Her hand on Remus's arm was tender and welcoming and wholly undeserved. Remus felt the urge to cry again. His life was over. Sirius's life was over. Lily and James had fallen apart. Could things get any worse? Knowing his luck, the answer was yes.

When Mrs Potter had settled him into the big bed in the guest room that had always been his when at the Potters', she asked if he wanted breakfast or just rest. He answered rest because he couldn't bear to look at her caring face any longer.

Peter touched his shoulder lightly. "I'm going to go meet up with James at St Mungo's, we'll be back as soon as Sirius is released."

Remus's eyes darted to Mrs Potter, expecting her to freak out and panic, maybe kick him out after demanding to know what happened. Instead, she just nodded, "Let the boys know Pipette will have breakfast ready when they want it. I know how hungry all of you normally are after a full moon."

And then Peter left the room. He left Remus alone with the mother of the boy he'd recently mauled. Remus wanted to hide. All he could do was slide down into the bed some more and look away.

"Hey now, none of that," she said, sitting on the bed beside him. "I know it was an accident. We will all get through this, all right? This isn't the end of the world, Remus."

Her kindness is what caused him to break. "How can you even look at me, much less bring me into your house after what I've done?" He felt one of the tears he was so desperate to hold back slip from his eyes and down his nose. Mrs Potter just conjured a handkerchief and handed it to him. He dabbed his eyes and balled it into a fist despite the pain clenching his hand caused.

"I can look at you because I love you. You are a son to me as much as Jamie or Sirius, Remus. When Fleamont and I started trying for a child, nothing happened for so long-I thought it was hopeless. Then came Jamie, our miracle child. Eleven years later, he brought three more children into our home and I've grown to love each and every one of you as my own. You've brought laughter and joy into my home and my heart, Remus. Just because something bad has happened my love for you hasn't changed." She stood and brushed his fringe away from his eyes. More tears slipped down. "Now rest, my boy. I'm sure your brothers will be home soon, back to their loud and obnoxious selves." She stared at him, making eye contact that he couldn't hold for long before she brushed the lightest kiss on his forehead and left the room.

Remus let the tears leak from his eyes as he curled up under the duvet and gave in to his body's demand for rest.


	8. Hospital

Bright light penetrated Sirius's closed eyes, making the pain in his temples throb. He didn't want to open his eyes. How much had he drunk the night before?

Apparently, something had given away the fact that he was awake. "How are you feeling, mate?" It was James's voice, quiet in his ear. Something in his chest twitched when he thought about James. What was that about?

Sirius cracked his eyes open to peer blearily in the direction of James's voice. James looked unusually solemn and more mussed than usual. Was that tree bark in his hair? "Like I got blasted with a Confundus. What the hell's going on?"

"You did something very brave," Peter said from behind James. They both looked like they hadn't slept all night. Peter's eyes were red and puffy like he'd been crying. What the hell had happened?

Just then, a matronly-looking woman in lime green robes opened the door with a soft snick and added to Peter's statement. "And very stupid. I can't believe you boys thought it would be a great idea to go camping on a full moon! What were you thinking?"

"We were just looking for a place to relax and drink a bit, you know, feel manly in the great outdoors. My girlfriend dumped me and I needed a guys' weekend. Didn't pay attention to the lunar phases," James answered her. There were enough details that Sirius was able to pick up the alibi if need be. It also brought back memories of the night-and day-before.

Everything flashed into place and memories flicked through his mind like a film reel. The Order meeting and his mission with Lily they were supposed to do today. A fistfight with James. Getting kicked out of James's flat and his life. Getting drunk with Lily. His father's visit. Learning that Lily was pregnant. James not being able to transform. Hoping to distract Moony. Excruciating pain in his left calf that spread up his leg.

The healer spoke again and distracted Sirius from trying to recall any more details. "Unfortunately from now on, you sir," she said directly to him, "will always know the phase of the moon." She looked at him with pity in her eyes and he swallowed hard.

Sirius looked down and wiggled his toes under the sheet. Thankful that the entire leg wasn't amputated or anything. "Whatever you gave me deadened the pain, that's for sure."

"And it will stay numb for another six hours. After that, you'll definitely feel it. And within a week or so, you'll start getting migraines because of the heightened senses. In two weeks the restlessness and higher libido will kick in. In three weeks, the aggression will go the through the roof. You'll experience your first transformation on the 16th of October."

Sirius took in all the information she'd just given him with half an ear. These were things he'd watched Remus go through for the last six years. He didn't know how his libido could be any higher. "I have a question," he said suddenly nervous and shy in front of his friends. It wasn't like him, but he didn't really want them to know what his father had done. Not until he'd talked to Lily about it. Sober.

"All right boys, I understand you're the best of friends but sometimes one needs a little privacy. If you'll step outside the room for a bit I'll let you back in when we're done."

James narrowed his eyes at Sirius but didn't argue with the healer. Once he was out of the room and the door was shut behind him, the healer returned her attention to Sirius. He didn't meet her eyes.

"My father invoked Lineage. How will the higher libido affect that?"

Her eyebrows raised so high up her face he couldn't see them under her fringe. "Lineage spells aren't used very often anymore, but usually once every son of the family has impregnated someone the increased potency will wear off. Do you have a long-term partner?"

"It's complicated. I'd appreciate you not mentioning-"

"Everything said between us is confidential; don't worry about that.

If you haven't already impregnated a woman, then any next encounter will cause pregnancy even with the Contraception Potion. You might have been able to prolong the outcome of Lineage by using Muggle barrier contraception, in that I mean condoms, but with your new situation, that's not feasible. I do have one more bit of information regarding your sex life. It's not something that's really discussed in textbooks you might have read for school."

Sirius raised a brow at her worried about what she could possibly tell him that he didn't know already from Remus.

"Along with all of the chemical and emotional changes, lycanthropy changes you biologically to be more like the Canis lupus lupus subspecies. When you ejaculate from now on you will knot. Do you know what that means?"

His eyes went wide. He only knew something about it because after fifth-year when they'd become Animagi he'd researched everything he could about being a dog. "Every time?"

"I'm afraid so. That's one reason I had hoped you had a long-term partner, someone who would be a bit more understanding as you dealt with all the changes. There are things that you can do to make any sex you have more comfortable for your potential partners, of course. Things you'll need to do. No matter what, they'll always need to be well prepared and aroused."

She spoke softly but confidently, without blushing or any hint of embarrassment. Sirius envied her that. His face felt red hot and that heat had travelled to his ears and down his neck.

"If you don't want to deal with remaining... connected, you'll need to fight the urge to penetrate deeper. The few werewolves that have spoken to me about this have said it's a very difficult urge to fight. Almost impossible. It's best that when you feel like you're getting close to orgasm to pull out of your partner and manually stroke yourself to completion.

"There will be a lot of ejaculate, much more than anything you've dealt with in the past. After you've gone soft you might still feel a lump close to the base of your penis. That's normal. You can work that out with your hand like you're giving yourself a massage."

Sirius felt dizzy as he took in all of her words. His life as he knew it was over. No random hookups without trying to conceal his condition. Probably no all-night sex sessions. Monthly transformations so painful that he'd heard Remus scream himself hoarse from it. Sirius swallowed and blinked, feeling his nose tingle as he tried to stop what felt like tears forming in his eyes.

The feel of a warm, soft hand on his arm brought him out of his thoughts. "It's a lot to take in, I know. You can always come back and talk with me if you need anything and St. Mungo's has padded cells in the basement for werewolf transformations open every month for those with nowhere else safe to confine themselves. If you don't know where to go, don't risk it, come back here. If you attack someone, even by accident, you can be charged with a crime.

"Your friend said that you didn't know who this werewolf was. Is that correct?"

"No, we were just hanging out in the woods getting drunk," he answered. He hoped that was the story. There was no way he was going to rat on Remus and he was pretty sure James hadn't mentioned the fact that they were Animagi.

"All right," she said again, patting his arm. "You rest. I think your friends are taking you to his parents' house to recuperate. The bite on your leg will ache for another few days and you'll need to stay off it for at least three. I'll let your friends back in now."


	9. Reunion

Sirius was adamant that he would walk out of the hospital on his own. And he did even though his leg was practically numb and he had to grind his teeth and push through the achy feeling that had crept over his bones.

Mrs Potter was waiting at the front door when James side-along Apparated with him into the yard. The morning fog hadn't faded yet. Peter's Apparition a moment later cracked loudly over the hushed morning.

"Sorry," Pete mumbled.

"It's all right," Euphemia said. "Sirius, why are you standing?" and before he could argue his dignity, she had conjured a stretcher and a spell to put him on it. He felt ridiculous as she guided him into a bedroom. He could tell it wasn't his by the path she took up the stairs, down the hall and to the left. It was Remus's room. Mrs Potter lowered the stretcher and then gestured for him to get on the bed next to Remus. At least she allowed him to do that on his own.

Sirius tried not to shake the bed too much as he slipped his trousers off, modesty be damned, and slid under the fluffy duvet. Remus woke up anyway. When Remus saw him, he looked away like he was ashamed.

"I'm okay, mate, just got my own furry little problem now."

James snorted in amusement and Euphemia smiled at them all.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Remus whispered.

"Rubbish. It's my fault. I knew the risks of tangling with a werewolf every month."

They heard a knock on the front door and Mrs Potter excused herself to go answer it.

"I'm still brassed with you, by the way," James said casually.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course you are. I get nibbled on by a werewolf to try and save your arse and..." he trailed off as the hurried thumps of a second set of footsteps echoed up the stairs.

Lily rushed into the room like a whirlwind, her shortened hair flying behind her. "What happened?" she asked, breathless.

Sirius parted his lips and licked them, eyes sliding to James, knowing that whatever he said now to Lily with Mrs Potter standing in the doorway would be the official story. He looked back at Lily and lied to cover for James. "I was stupid. After you left, I... I finished off that bottle of whisky. Apparated just fine but when it was time to transform..." he shook his head, raking his tongue over his teeth, "It just didn't come. I don't know why I thought running was the best option after that. But when you're face to face with a-" his eyes darted to Remus, "with Moony, who could comfortably rest his head on my shoulder if he wanted to," he half-chuckled at his stupidity, "well, things get a bit muddled."

There was quiet for a moment before Mrs Potter asked, "You three still haven't registered your Animagus forms, have you?"

James answered. "No, and I don't particularly want to."

"I didn't raise you to be a lawbreaker, James."

"It's a stupid law, though."

She looked at the three Animagi in the room with a patronising look before she moved to close the door.

"Mrs P," Sirius said quickly, worry trickling up his spine. "No one else, aside from Mr Potter, should know that it was Moony."

"I know, Sirius. You three were in Epping and Remus was in Wales," she lied with a straight face, adding, "I check in with my children. Though I don't condone drinking a bottle of whisky by yourself, young man." She looked at each of them, gaze taking in each and making silent promises to each of them before pulling the door shut behind her.

Lily was the one to break the silence that settled in the room after Mrs P left. "So you're a..."

"Werewolf, yeah," Sirius confirmed with a casualness that he didn't truly feel.

"I don't think you should transform into Padfoot anymore, Sirius," Remus said quietly from beside him.

Truth be told, Sirius thought Remus had already fallen back asleep so when he spoke Sirius jumped. Remus noticed and frowned.

Pete offered the question they were all thinking. "Why?"

"The wolf, when... Well, next moon you'll understand, but you can always feel it under the surface of your skin, like if you say the wrong thing... or the right thing," he added with a sad grin, "it would just take over. I don't know what would happen if you allowed your mind to give over to the animal instincts you already have when you're Padfoot. The wolf might take over completely, especially since a dog is so similar to a wolf anyway." Remus shrugged. "You might not have the control to transform back."

"There's that spell that we looked up when we first started training, that healers use to force a transformation back. If we see him acting erratically we could cast it on him," James said. "Or just leave him stuck that way. Bloke deserves it."

"James!" Lily scolded, sounding outraged.

He looked at her and visibly clenched his jaw but didn't respond to her.

The room fell into silence once more, only broken by the softest of snores coming from Remus. Peter whispered, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired. I think I'm going to head home."

"Night Wormy," Lily offered.

Sirius and James responded similarly and Peter left.

"Lily and I had a mission to do for the Order later today. James, mate, you think you could fill in for me? Healer said bed rest."

James grunted and acted like he was going to leave.

"Wait!" Sirius called, ducking slightly and stopping to watch to see if he'd woken Remus. "Can you help me to my bed?"

James didn't turn around.

"Please?"

"Fine," James grumbled but did help. He slipped his arm under Sirius's and let him lean on him as they hobbled out of the room, Lily didn't follow.

"Thank you," Sirius told him when he'd resettled in his own bed.

"Welcome," James answered insincerely.

"No, I mean it. I don't really remember what happened after... after the bite, but I know you carried me and got me to St Mungo's. I'm eternally grateful for that."

James looked back at him, any bravado he might have had in front of Lily or the others gone, only the emotionally raw man remained. "I wish you hadn't done what you did, Sirius. With Lily. Stepping between me and Moony. All of it. And yeah, I'm still brassed, but I wouldn't have left you out there mate." He offered up a grin and Sirius knew a teasing joke was coming. "Mum would have killed me if I'd left you there."

Sirius chuckled in response and James left the room. Sirius heard the door across the hall close as he went to his bed to sleep a few hours. He knew that he didn't have to worry about the mission, James wouldn't skip out on that sort of responsibility.

He thought he might be able to nap, but instead, a knock on his door alerted him to another visitor. Lily slipped in and closed the door behind her. She had brought his trousers from the other room and set them on the foot of the bed. She sat beside him against the headboard before she spoke.

"I didn't think you could become a werewolf since you're an Animagus."

"Being an Animagus made us safe to be around Moony as long as we were in our animal forms. He bit me while I was human," he shrugged. "I knew the risks."

She frowned and looked down at the duvet, scratching her nail against the difference in texture where it had been patched by hand. "I learned a bit more about the Lineage thing."

"You could have asked me."

"It doesn't matter now, not really. Who was your last partner before me? When your father actually invoked it?"

He didn't have to pause to think, "Marlene."

"Marlene?" Her tone seemed to demand an explanation.

"We were always just a casual hook-up. Whenever we'd have an itch. The last time she and I were together was back in June. I suggested a one-last-time romp on the first of July after the end-of-term-feast and she turned me down. Are you... Do you not think it's mine?"

She looked down. "Kreacher," she whispered.

The elf popped into the room. "Yes, Mistress?"

Sirius's eyes had gone wide as he looked at his family house-elf bowing to Lily, to Muggle-born Lily.

"Kreacher, can you tell Sirius what you told me, about... about our baby?"

Kreacher nodded and turned to look at him. "Kreacher knows, just as Lemmy and Pipette would know if the baby were Master Potter's. Kreacher can feel the magic in the tapestry too, it's ready for the next name. The next heir. Kreacher can feel it down in his bones. That's why Kreacher answers Mistress Lily's call."

"It wasn't because my fathered ordered you to?"

"Kreacher would have answered no matter what. Mistress is the mother of an heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black."

When it seemed that Sirius wasn't going to answer Lily dismissed the crabby, old elf.

"Thank you, Kreacher, you may go," she said. When the elf bowed and cracked out of thin air, she spoke again. "So, it seems it's yours."

He sat there feeling stunned for a moment before teasing, "I suppose the proper thing to do is ask you to marry me."

"Sirius..." she warned.

"Though I've never done anything proper in my life, so I don't think that's what I'm going to do. I'd like to date you for a while, I think. Just to see where we... what might happen between us. No pressure if you'd already had your heart set on getting back with James."

"Have you told them about the Lineage thing?"

"No."

"I could tell James, you know, that the child is his. It'd be too soon, normally, to think it's yours anyway."

Sirius looked at her, fearing his emotions were written all over his face. "Lily, please..." he was ready to beg her not to. Not because of how screwed up that would be, or because it would irritate his father to no end, but because it would devastate James to be told that the child was his and find out differently later on. Sirius didn't think he would be able to shoulder that along with everything else.

"I don't think I will, though. No. I think I'd like to give it a go between you and me."

Sirius sighed in relief and gave her a crooked smile. "Even though I've got a furry little problem now?"

She nodded. She snuggled down next to him and they both fell asleep.

* . * . *

When he awoke, she was gone.

The door opened slowly and Mrs Potter peeked in. When she was satisfied with what she saw she started to close the door again.

"Mrs Potter," Sirius called, realising that James and Lily were probably on their mission by now. His leg was hurting and he wanted to get this over with. It was something he knew he needed to do.

"Yes, Sirius?" she asked as she slipped into the room and shut the door behind her. "What did you need? Pain potion?"

He smiled sadly. "The bite is hurting but I don't think a potion will help. The healer said it would hurt for a few days and there wasn't anything to be done about it."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"I was wondering... well, yesterday I learned that my mother and brother were dead."

She sat down heavily on the bed next to him. "My condolences."

He nodded in thanks. "Father's reinstated me."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Yes and no. He... He invoked Lineage."

She looked at him with understanding in her eyes. "Lily?"

He nodded quickly. "It wasn't... I didn't mean to do this to James. It was just supposed to be a no-strings sort of hookup, just to relieve some tension, and one night turned into two, turned into a week, then three. I'm still a bit shocked that James hasn't started punching me again."

"That's what the bruises are from then? James?"

"Yes."

She frowned but didn't say anything else.

"I was wondering if you'd contact my father, maybe allow him to visit. I think me contracting lycanthropy is something he should know."

She reached forward and grabbed his hand. "You're scared he's going to disown you again, aren't you?"

He chuckled. "You have always had the uncanny ability to see to the heart of everything, Mrs P."

"If he was desperate enough to invoke Lineage, I don't think he'd disown you for the world, Sirius."

"I know what purebloods like my parents, like my father, say about werewolves. He's going to call me a half-breed. Not fit to carry the Black name. I could probably recite the list of disappointments he'll bring up in my sleep."

"Do you want me and Fleamont in here with you when you tell him?"

"I don't know. I feel like I should be man enough to tell him by myself but I can't deny that you've always been there, always helped me pick up the pieces."

"Sweetie, you're only eighteen. Of course, we'll be here for you. And if you'd feel better with only me or Fleamont-"

"You," he answered in a rush. "If you don't mind, I mean."

"Of course not. Let me go firecall him." She patted his hand and left the room.

Sirius scrubbed both hands down his face and through his hair. "This is a nightmare," he muttered.

It wasn't long before he heard the measured pace of an older man heading up the stairs. Mrs Potter opened the door and let Orion step in first before following him in and closing the door with a soft snick. Father wandlessly summoned the armchair near the fireplace to sit closer to the bed and then sat down. It was only then that he looked up at Sirius.

Sirius felt his father's gaze move from the top of his head, over his face, his shoulders, his chest, and even to the bed almost like he was checking that Sirius was still whole. "What is it, Sirius?" he asked, his voice quiet and perhaps full of worry, "Effie said there'd been an accident."

Sirius had forgotten that his father had gone to school with James's parents. Hearing him speak of Mrs P so informally made Sirius feel oddly confused. He pushed the feeling aside to deal with later.

Mrs Potter sat down on the side of the bed furthest from Sirius and his father. Her presence was comforting.

"James and Peter and I forgot about the time of the month last night and-"

"Sirius," Orion interrupted him, "don't lie to me."

Sirius stared into his father's eyes, feeling like a small child who'd stolen a biscuit and was being scolded. "I got bit by a werewolf last night."

His father didn't look away and Sirius was shocked to see tears come to the man's eyes. After a long moment, Orion nodded, "I'm glad you survived, son."

It was Sirius who broke the eye contact. That hadn't been anything close to what he'd expected the man to say.

Mrs Potter reached out, squeezed his hand and stood. Orion stood with her. He walked her to the door and shared a whispered conversation. Sirius wasn't sure if they were being loud on purpose or if he was getting a taste of his new heightened sense of hearing.

"Thank you, Effie," Orion said.

"You're welcome. You know I care for him like he's my own."

"I know. I'd like to start anew with him. If I can only model my behaviour after you and Fleamont."

"It will be difficult to leave the past behind you. The first rule is to love unconditionally," she told him, glancing back to Sirius with a smile.

"I do love my son, it's just that the political struggle between branches of the family meant that Walburga had more power in the relationship and-"

"Orion," she said stopping him short. "The second is to not make excuses." She eyed him sternly and her shorter stature didn't belie her strength as she looked down her nose at him. "That is your son-your firstborn son-sitting there scared you're going to disown him again for something that was out of his power to control. Whatever you do, keep the thought in your mind that our children are precious; that life, in general, is precious, and he could have lost his last night. You've got to make things right between you because he's going to need you."

"What could I possibly do to ease the burden lycanthropy is going to have on him?" he asked.

"Not with that. His friends will help with that. You have to help him be a good father in eight months."

"You know?"

"My sons don't keep things from me," she told him.

Sirius felt warmth spark in his chest at how she continually claimed his has her son. The only reason he never called her mum was that the word felt tainted with memories of Walburga. Mrs P outshone Walburga in every way.

"I don't think I even know how to be a good father, how can I help him?"

"You'll learn. Remember: love unconditionally and don't make excuses," she told him and patted his arm before she slipped from the room.

Orion took a deep breath and returned to his chair. He looked over Sirius again and offered him the smallest smile. Sirius felt strangely happy in that moment. He returned the smile with a grin of his own.


	10. Restless

A/N: Psst, there's an explicit version of this chapter on AO3.

* * *

"Sirius!"

He stopped mid-step and turned to look at Lily, irritated that she'd shouted, "What?" he demanded.

"That's the fifth time you walked through the flat in less than two minutes. Sit down why don't you?" Her voice was screechy and made him want to dig at his ears.

"No, I can't," he answered, then strode away to make another circuit through the flat. He was so frustrated, so bored, so irritated, so angry, so restless, so fucking horny, he couldn't stand it; couldn't stand being in his own skin. He wanted to transform into Padfoot for no other reason than to dampen the emotions running through his system.

As he passed the room Lily was in again she stood. He stopped, not wanting to get in her way if she was heading back to the loo to vomit again. Instead, she walked up to him.

"Sirius," she said, her voice tight like she was speaking to a wild animal. In a way, he supposed she was.

He raised his eyebrows at her, worried that if she touched him he'd snap and lose control and fuck her brains out. He could smell the musk of her body wafting up from her armpits, her scalp, her twat. Merlin, he was sure his cock was going to break off just from being in her proximity.

She looked down at his cock and raised an eyebrow back at him. "Are you restless because you're horny?" She stepped into his space and put her hands on his arms.

He whimpered at the contact.

"Have the migraines eased any?" she whispered.

He nodded, looking over her head at the wall.

"So now it's restlessness and aggression that you're dealing with, right?"

He nodded again and he could feel her eyes on him, sliding up his neck, across his jaw, to his lips, and then his eyes.

"What else? You've got to tell me, you know, I can't read your mind and I didn't dorm seven years with Remus."

"Libido's through the roof," he whispered back.

"Well, you do know how to fix that, right?" she asked, leaning further in and brushing her hand on the bulge in his jeans. His intake of breath was sharp and noisy in the silence. When he didn't lean down and kiss her, or move at all, she frowned and her shoulders slumped. "You're not the only one going through a life-changing event, you know," she grumbled, "And before we knew you had duffed me up we were having sex almost every day. Now you won't even touch me."

She stepped back and returned to the sofa where she flopped back against it, sending up tendrils of her scent into the air and in his direction. "Do I smell bad now? Is there something about me that your wolf doesn't like?" She asked, looking desperate.

"That's not it, Lils, you're still just as attractive, just as enticing, more so even. It's me."

"Sirius, don't shut me out," she begged, "Please. I need you. Just tell me. Is it because I'm pregnant? I'm not really even showing yet. Is it the idea that I'm having your baby?"

"Lily," he groaned.

He'd masturbated only once since the bite last month. The process of knotting had grossed him out. He'd watched the base of his cock grow thicker than his fist and the amount of spunk that had come out of him felt like it could have filled buckets. The healer hadn't mentioned the serial orgasms that rippled through him, the single positive in an ocean full of shit that came with being a werewolf.

"I could leave, you know. If that would make things easier," she said, breathless with her own emotions.

He took a deep breath, knowing he had to tell her what his problem was, or she would leave. He had become accustomed to waking up next to her and James was finally starting to talk to them again. The anger and hurt were still there and he reminded Lily constantly that he'd take her back in a heartbeat. They hadn't told James or the others that she was pregnant yet, it would just reignite the anger and Sirius didn't want to deal with that as he was going through his first month of being a werewolf.

"There's something that's... different now, but it's not you, Lily." He stepped closer, closing his eyes as his trouser squeezed his prick. Another deep breath full of her smell and he opened his eyes. "Being a werewolf changed..." Finally, he decided to just be blunt. "Do you know what knotting is?"

Her brows scrunched and she shook her head. He swore in his head and moved another step closer.

"Knotting is when a canine's prick swells with orgasm and... Well, dogs can get stuck together until the pressure goes down."

Her eyes widened as she took in that information. "You mean... Being a werewolf changed that?" Her eyes travelled down to his crotch which still bulged despite his frustration and embarrassment. "It can't be that bad, can it?"

He looked down at the floor. "It's weird, gross, messy..."

"Sex was always messy."

"Nothing like this."

"We're magical, Sirius, we can clean up with a spell. Or we can have sex in the shower."

"You'll be grossed out and not want me to touch you again and-"

"Sirius, let me decide that for myself. All right? Let's fuck. Please. I think if that erection lasts much longer we'll need to take you to St Mungo's."

He bit his lip and nodded. "Okay."

She looked back up at him. "Okay?"

"Okay," he agreed, taking two steps to pull her up from the couch to kiss her roughly, claiming her mouth and swallowing the moan she made.

"Didn't have to push you too hard, did I?" she murmured.

He offered her a grin before taking off his shirt. "You smell so good." She ran her hands up his chest and scratched over his nipples. She smiled when he shivered. He kissed her again, dominating her mouth as he manoeuvred her to the couch. He had the urge to take her hard over the back of it.

She pushed back and shook her head. "Nope. Bed."

Images of her on her hands and knees on his bed made him groan. "Yes, please," he muttered. He wrapped his hands around her waist and hoisted her up. She squealed but then wrapped her legs around his body to help hold herself up. She didn't need to, he'd had no trouble holding her, but it brought her up against him so he didn't care. Sirius started kissing her neck and mouthing her breasts over her shirt as he blindly walked them to his bedroom.

She smiled up at him, a dopey post-orgasm smile. "Love you, Sirius," she whispered. She watched his face and he had no idea what she would see. She'd never said that to him before, and to say it now? Was it just hormones from her orgasm? Did she expect him to say it back? He'd never said that to a girl and only ever said it to James last month before he'd done something stupid and got himself bitten by Moony. Her eyes were locked with his and he hoped she didn't see the panic he was starting to feel. He closed his eyes and focused on how he felt about her. Protective of her life and the life of their child. He worried when she was away and he enjoyed the easy way their lives have melded together. He couldn't imagine not having her in his life in some way and he often had doubts that one day she'd see that James was the better man. He didn't want to be jealous, but sometimes his chest ached when she'd say James's name.

He might have waited a bit too long but he opened his eyes and stared into hers. "I love you too, Lily," he answered. Her smile was magnificent and made him think of sunshine.


	11. Marlene

The full moon had been anti-climatic in a way. Yes, there was excruciating pain, but it was fleeting. Remus had modified his cellar and James and Peter were already transformed when moonrise came along. There had been a worry that Sirius and Moony would fight but they didn't. James had said there was a lot of sniffing, some harmonised howling, and then when they couldn't go frolic, they slept.

The other Marauders had decided that Sirius needed a new nickname because he wasn't technically Padfoot as a werewolf. He was still a black canine but as a werewolf, he was much larger. Larger at the shoulder than Moony even. They said he'd looked like the quintessential werewolf-shorter snout, tufted tail, human-like eyes-but unlike Moony's rust and grey coat, Sirius's fur was all black. Of course. It seemed he wouldn't ever escape his name. They hadn't come up with anything yet, though.

It was less than a week after his first full moon and he felt good. The aches and pains had faded. The migraines had eased and in their place, he could hear across a noisy pub to the lowest of whispers. He could see farther and sharper and more clearly in dim light. He could pick Lily's scent out in a crowd; he could tell when she was aroused from across their flat, and he could even make out the slight difference in scent around her small baby bump.

Sirius and Lily had estimated that she was eleven weeks along if the Lineage ritual had caused her pregnancy on their first encounter together. They had decided it was time to tell the others that she was pregnant and explain why that was so after the Order meeting this morning.

The Order meeting went on as usual. There were three reconnaissance missions to choose from and Sirius asked James to partner with him. Once that was agreed upon, the meeting was adjourned and they all stood to leave. Before he was even out of the room a woman's voice called his name.

When he turned around, Marlene McKinnon was standing in front of him. His first reaction was to inhale deeply. Her scent was familiar in several different ways that he couldn't place. The second thing he noticed was that she'd gained weight in the seventeen weeks since he'd seen her last.

She put her hand on his arm and gestured with her head to a corner of the room away from everyone. He waved his friends off and followed her. There was silence between them before Sirius finally identified one of the scents around her. The same smell that lingered around Lily's abdomen lingered around Marlene, maybe even stronger. He felt his eyes widen with anxiety. She couldn't... But he couldn't deny the weight gain. Her face was slightly rounder, her breasts heavier. Her dress hid her waist, but he didn't doubt that she'd have a baby bump, probably slightly bigger than Lily's.

He leant down, running his nose on her shoulder and up her neck, scenting her more. The main smell on her was all hers, he recognised her perfume. The other scent was masculine and familiar, but he couldn't place it. "Is it mine?" he whispered as quietly as he dared.

She stepped back and looked up at him. The look in her eyes didn't give away her thoughts. "No. I was wondering if you'd set up a meeting for me, actually."

His brow furrowed. She hadn't denied being pregnant.

"I need to speak with Orion Black."

His breath caught in his throat and an odd pang of jealousy flared in his chest. Maybe Father would be getting a grandchild from Regulus after all. "Did you deny me in July because you were fucking my brother?"

Fire flashed in her eyes at his accusation. "And if I was?"

The emotion in his chest, that he'd finally identified as grief, reached up and squeezed at his heart. "Then my condolences," he paused and added, "I'll set up a meeting with Father but I'm coming with you. He might try to persuade you that getting married, even if it isn't to the true father of your child, is the best option."

"There's no chance of that," she said.

"Still, I think I should be with you."

"Okay. Semi-public space. The Three Broomsticks."

"Later today?"

"Sounds good."

Sirius said he'd arrange it and would send his Patronus to her to let her know what time to meet. When he apparated to James's flat, Lily was the first to ask, "What did Marlene want?"

He leant down and nuzzled his face against her neck, reassuring himself with her scent. "To meet with Father."

Lily pulled back and looked up at him. "She's...?"

"Marlene's what?" James asked, flopping down on the sofa next to Peter.

Sirius pecked Lily's forehead once more before he sat down in the armchair. She sat on the arm of it. "I suppose I should start at the beginning," he said. There was no help for it but to tell them everything.

* . * . *

Telling the Marauders everything went smoother than Sirius had anticipated. He had to explain Lineage to Peter, but James and Remus had had their fathers explain it to them so they understood the basics. That led into the reason both Lily and Marlene were pregnant. James hadn't freaked out like Sirius expected him to, which eased the weight Sirius felt on his shoulders.

Lily had wanted to come with Sirius to see Marlene but he'd told her no. The conversation between Marlene and Orion was bound to be awkward enough, especially with him there and he wanted to spare Marlene any more anxiety than she might already be feeling. Lily had frowned, pouting, but agreed her consent.

Orion was reserved but Sirius could almost taste his father's excitement. They Apparated in tandem to Hogsmeade and entered the pub. The room was crowded and the smells of stew wafted up from many of the tables. Sirius located Marlene in the corner by scent alone. They sat at the four-person table, Sirius taking one of the chairs against the wall so he could watch the crowd. His father took the other one.

She looked up at them when they joined her. "Marlene, this is my father Orion Black, Father, Marlene McKinnon," Sirius introduced them. She shifted and the masculine smell was stronger on her now. He wondered who she'd hooked up with since Regulus had died. It was obviously someone she felt comfortable enough with to fuck.

There was silence at their table as Marlene looked back and forth between him and his father and they watched her. Orion broke the ice. "Muggle-born?" he asked, no hint of distaste or hatred in his voice.

"Half-blood, but my father was Muggle-born," she answered, a slight edge to her voice like she expected him to start slinging slurs immediately.

Instead, he chuckled to himself and muttered, "Both of my sons," before continuing, "You requested this meeting, Miss McKinnon. Am I wrong to think that perhaps you had sex with my son Regulus and have found yourself pregnant with him nowhere to be found?"

Sirius turned his head to look at his father and glare. Marlene didn't seem to notice how rude Orion's statement was.

"I am pregnant, by Regulus, but that's not the real reason I've asked to meet with you. I was curious to know your true allegiance with regards to the Dark Lord."

Sirius couldn't help himself from the sharp intake of breath. Even he hadn't had the courage to ask his father that and here was Marlene, almost a complete stranger to his father, doing what he couldn't. He waited for the fallout.

None came.

Orion hadn't moved. Sirius wasn't even sure if he was still breathing. Finally, he spoke so softly Sirius wondered if Marlene could even hear him. "I, myself, have never supported that man. It was at my late wife's insistence that we show fealty. With her suffering and death laid at his feet, I find myself thinking... that maybe..." he stopped and looked around.

Someone was heading towards their table, Sirius hadn't noticed them at first, mainly because being in the corner had stagnated the smells around him or because he'd been so intently listening to his father. The stranger wore a concealing black cloak with the hood pulled up. He pulled out the last chair at the table and sat down without a sound.

"Excuse me, but we-" Orion spoke harshly, glaring at the newcomer.

The robed stranger didn't speak, but he slipped his hand from under his sleeve to show off his knuckles. On them was the Black family ring that had been given to Regulus as heir after Sirius ran away. Both men recognised it and had pulled their wands on the stranger.

"How dare you-"

"Not here," Marlene spoke over Orion. "Now it's time we retire somewhere with the utmost privacy."

"Where do you suggest?" Sirius asked, unsure of his emotions. Regulus was dead. That's why Marlene was pregnant, right? How could this stranger have come to own his brother's ring?

"Grimmauld Place," she answered.

"If you think-" Orion started.

The stranger had reached out and grabbed Marlene's hand, the Black crest stark against their light skin. Both stood. Marlene gave a slight tip of her head, "We'll meet you there," she said before turning her back on them and walking out, holding the stranger's hand.

"What the hell was that?" Orion turned his anger on his remaining son.

"I didn't know she would blackmail you. Us. But that ring belongs to our family and I'm going to get it back. Whoever is under that cloak knows where Grimmauld Place is. I want to know who's responsible for Regulus's disappearance. His death. If the man with Marlene isn't his killer then he knows who is."

Orion clenched his jaw and nodded. They stood and slipped out the door into the night and Apparated.

Marlene and the stranger were standing on the stoop leaning on the railing casually. They waited as Orion lowered the wards and unlocked the door. He stepped in first. Marlene and the stranger stepped in next and Sirius followed, closing the door behind him.

The stranger was slightly shorter than he was; still tall. He stood very straight as he waited for an attack.

"The parlour?" Orion offered, uncomfortable with having Regulus's potential murderer in his home. He led the way and sat stiffly in his armchair.

Sirius flopped into the second one feigning casualness he didn't feel.

The stranger stood at the door and they saw him shift, almost like he was struggling to take the cloak off. Marlene reached up to help him but the man spoke and in the quiet of the parlour, his voice carried. "I can do it, Marlene," he said.

Sirius sat up immediately, questioning his ears. He stood and in his periphery, he saw his father stand too. He swallowed as the cloak slipped off the man standing at the door, pooling into Marlene's arms as she backed away.

Sirius's eyes widened as he looked at the man before him. The stranger who wasn't really a stranger.

He had black wavy hair that hung to his chin, dark grey eyes, and several days worth of scruff. The same nose, the same lips. Fine clothes-though slightly worn in places.

Orion whispered his name and the man looked up, giving his father a sad little smile.

"Reggie?" Sirius asked, still disbelieving. Then the man turned and Sirius's eyes zeroed in on the one thing that was absolutely wrong with the entire picture in front of him. Regulus's left sleeve was folded short and pinned back, ending at his elbow. The air left Sirius's lungs as his mind tried to catch up to what he was seeing. "Reggie?" he asked again, sure that might be the only word he felt capable of saying.

Regulus shrugged and the half-limb swayed with the movement.

"What happened, son?" Orion asked, that same soft tone that he'd used when Sirius had told him about being bitten. True concern and worry and maybe a hint of love.

Regulus smiled brightly and stepped closer. "I got scared." When Orion just shook his head, confused, he added, "The Dark Mark is connected to him. After the first summons, the pain gets worse and worse. I'm pretty sure if he'd wanted to, he could have killed me just through the Mark."

"You mean you did this to yourself?" Orion asked, gesturing towards his son's missing arm.

"Technically, Marlene did it," Regulus answered, smiling.

"You asked me to," she answered quickly, like she was worried Orion would attack her for maiming his son.

"Why? What made you change your mind?" Sirius asked, shocking himself with his ability to string together words.

"I learned how deep his obsession with immortality ran and how far he would delve into the Dark Arts," Regulus answered. He shrugged again, "And he poisoned Kreacher and left him for dead. I have something that needs to be destroyed, something to help bring down the Dark Lord. I just needed more help."

Marlene was smiling as she stared at Regulus; love seemed to shine from her eyes.

Sirius had slowly been making his way closer and now he was within reach of his brother. Without warning, Sirius grabbed Regulus by the shoulders and pulled him close, squeezing so tightly in his hug that Regulus tapped him on the back.

"When did you get so strong?" his brother asked, laughing. He squeezed Sirius's bicep with his hand at the question.

Sirius snorted. "When I got bit by a werewolf last month."

Regulus's eyes went wide. "What? No," he said in disbelief, his eyes darting to their father.

Orion nodded. "Can't hide anything from him now," he joked, stepping closer.

"You're not... you're not angry?" Regulus asked. "At him for... Or me? I know how you felt about tainting our bodies and-"

Orion rushed at them and wrapped his arms around both Sirius and Regulus. "My boys, my boys, I don't care. You're alive and safe. That's all that matters," he muttered. He kissed Regulus on the top of the head and brushed his lips against Sirius's temple. "That's all that matters."

Sirius returned his father's embrace and then stepped back. "So... How do we destroy the Dark Lord?"

Regulus laughed. "Well, first I have to explain about Horcruxes..."


End file.
